I’m a Liar

It’s supposed to be the first step in overcoming this about myself, so here it is…”I’m a liar.” There are lots of reasons for lying and lots of reasons I lie, but the fact of the matter is that nothing in life is worth lying. What do I lie about?

I can’t admit failure.

I can’t open myself up to those closest to me to know how much I hurt inside or how scared I am.

I can’t admit that my options are next to nothing.

I can’t admit that I am scared out of my wits.

I can’t admit when I’m rejected in something I’m trying to do.

Basically, I lie about anything that I feel will make me look bad. Why the fuck do I do that? Who cares? I’m not perfect. No one is perfect. But, I can’t admit that to myself let alone anyone else. I just lied again. I am consciously trying to stop lying and yet I did it again. My life is circling the drain and I keep doing it. So how do I stop? I take the first step and admit to the world that I am a liar.

If I say things are good, they are probably shithouse. If I say that I have tons of job leads, I probably have none. If I say that I’m happy with life, I probably am in deep despair.

So, how do you stop?

Often lying emerges as a result of a feeling of inadequacy, or a need to protect the truth from others and thus leave yourself less vulnerable. Learn to accept that truth is the right of all people; take a deep breath, think about the person to whom you are speaking and what they would say if they knew you were lying, open your mouth, and speak the truth. After you do this you will feel a release of guilt and relief. [more]

You don’t respect yourself. You don’t think you have a genuine answer that’s convincing enough. You think you’re not good enough and no truthful reason you have is good enough to convince someone. [more]

If you are serious about stopping lying then you should deal with the real reasons behind lying and not with lying itself. Lying is not the problem but its the symptom that indicates that another problem exists. [more]

So, to stop lying, I’m going to write down everything that I feel ashamed of, feel embarrassed by, all the ways I feel inadequate, and all the shithouse things I did in a day. With that, I will have thrown everything out on the table that I might lie about and maybe then I can just realize it’s not worth it. Maybe then, I can realize that with it all out there that all of those things don’t add up to me being a bad person, but that lying about any one of those things is what makes me a bad person.

So, on that note, let’s start tonight.